Red Neck Buddha Cones:

So! For many years I’ve been impressed with Zen Buddhism and zen koans (short, sharp, arguments illogically leading to enlightenment), so, so, so here are some of that pecker wood cracker, Bubba’s, Cones


The Crud Cone

We find Billy Bob watching then walking up to Bubba, who’d been sitting on the general store stoop listening to Weird Willy most of the morning.

Billy Bob; “Bubba, what for you waste the mornin’s daylight listenin’ to that no account Weird Willy? Ya knows he’s tetched in the head and most all he says don’t make no nevermind.

Bubba says, “You got that right Billy Bob come walk with me a piece.”

They walk past the crossroads and Bubba takes a trail, not much more than a rabbit meander up toward a ridge.

Billy Bob grumbles, “Dang Bubba you wasted the morning listening to Willie and now we’s stumbling l’ong through rocks and brambles ‘n most the afternoon’s lights gone too!”

Bubba;“Wait for it.”

They top the ridge, reach an open glade, hushed except for birds chirping and a magical sight, everything below sharp and highlighted by the sun’s golden glow. They just look and enjoy for at least 20 minutes.

Billy Bob; “Your right Bubba, it was well worth the hike, how’d you find this place?”

Bubba takes a sip from the mason jar of shine, he’s thoughtfully ought along, passes the jar to Billy Bob and says, “Weird Willy told me about here. You got that right Billy Bob, most all Willy says is crud, ain’t no account, sames true of most folks when you think about it. Yep, none the less I’ve yet to met anyone I can’t learn something from if I keep my ears open and my mouth shut.”

At the Xroads
Bubba & Billybob, walking to the bar.
Meet Sallymae at the cross roads.
Bubba; “How you doin’ Sallymae?”
& Sallymae spends 20 minutes ‘splain’ just how’s she doin’.
Later at the bar, Billybob: “Shucky darn Bubba whatfo
you waste so much time listing to Sallymae?”
Bubba: “I left her back at the crossroads
whatfo you still hear her?”


Net Worth
Billybob say to Bubba: “Hey bro, what’s most valuable
thang you ever had?
Bubba: “7 day dead catfish.”
Billybob: “7 day dead catfish, valuable?”
Bubba “Musta been. So valuable couldn't sell it
no matter what price I set”

Sounds of Silence
Billybob: “Bubba what you make of this here thang I just read;
"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"
Bubba: “Stand right over here Billybob and take a gander at that there rock at yo feet.”
Billybob stands lookin’ down at the rock, Bubba steps behind him & pushes a rotten
old pine right down on Billybob’s head.
When Billybob awakes, sez: “Whatfo you do that?”
Bubba: “Did you hear it?”

Findin’ the trail
Billybob asked Bubba: “Dang bro, where’s the trail?”
Bubba said: “Shucky darn BB, trail’s wherever yo foot is.”
Billybob: “Wheren’ can I read ‘bout it, puzzle it out?”
Bubba said: “Ifin you trys ta study it, yo looses yo way and
wander all over yonder!
Billybob: “Hey, ifin I don’t puzzle it how can I find the trail?
Bubba: “Just as ifin you busies yoself readin’ the music, you ain’t playin’ real country
but strum a lick, or put one foot front the other
you’s sure gonna find the trail.!

396 pounds
Bubba was weighing out a bale of cotton.
Billybob sez: Hey Bubba, I knows what’s wrong but what’s right?”
Bubba, he say: “396 pounds.”

20 Gauge
Bubba holdin’ his 20 gauge single shot pistol said: “Ifin you call this a pistol ya’ll don’t ‘stand
shuck ‘bout it so… whatsyagonna call it?”

One handed clap
Billybob asked Bubba what’s that there one handed clap he read about.
Bubba slaps Billybob up along side his head with the palm of his hand
“Get it?” Bubba says.
“Got it.“ Billybob answered.

Mind fields
Billybob said: “Them thar leaves ah movin’ .“
Jack said: “The wind’s movin’.”
Bubba said: “Seems to me it’s in yo heads.”

Family Tradition
Billybob asked: “Hey Bubba what’s yo family’s favorite tradition?”
Bubba: “Look at then thar scalawags hangin’ round the gate!”


Know nothing
Jack: “Hey Billybob whatfo you keep listenin’ ta Bubba he done
don’t know nuttin’.”
Billybob say: “That’s right Jake, ifin he don’t know nuttin’, he must know summthin’.

Long staff
Bubba: “Say Jack take this here walkin’ stick and stop yo stumblin’.”
Jack: “I don’t see no walkin’ stick.”
Bubba: “That’s the problem.”