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On a dark and stormy night, far away and long ago, while forces good fought most valiantly upon the rocky the dusty, wind swept plain, against the evil hustlers, meanwhile back at the ranch, the hungry magician spelled the gold and cash to cake and candy and a fortune ate.
-------------
Encyclopedia Galacticta, Ancient Earth;
Among the many unsolved mysteries, Stonehedge and the electric automobile orbiting Terra. Why did those primitive ancients move 50 tonne rocks hundreds of miles and drive an electric car into space? Scientist attribute both to sun worship but so far a connection has not been found.
--------------------
Cadet Yankovich asked, “Ya’ll yelling at the yellow yumkin yonder?”
Captain Yuseabelly replied, “Yep youngster, yumkin’s in the yard yanking yottabytes.”
Cadet Yankovich, “Yonder?”
Captain Yueabelly, “Yep.”
Cadet Yankovich said , “Well shuck darn mon, why don’t ya tell the yellow yumkin to get off your lawn!” with a yawn.
-------------------
William the Conjurer, scourge of the spaceways subdued the Gordians. Asked how he passed the densely tangled Gordian planetary defense web he answered; “No problem, I had Big Alex check it out. He found it was old, dilapidated, worn and that it’s exceedingly easy to cut through a frayed knot.”
---------------------------
Blood Bart, the notorious space scourge, to escape the interstellar police and the galactic authorities, exited through a small crack in the wormhole to 2022 America.
He fully expected to receive a warm welcome in the Washington D.C. of that era.
After all, he was a thief in good standing.
---------------------------
Men of Andromeda, masters of their galaxy, though long lived were a dying race. Origins lost in a distant forgotten past and lifespans stretching eons, none the less their numbers slowly decreased. Dying until a team of their best scientists developed a replicator to create babies.
They named it woman.
-----------------------------
“Does reiving leave you grieving or does swash buckling find you chuckling?”, Princess Lea, of the galactic empire, asked Blackbeard the pilot pirate.
“Why neither or nor I’d have to say, as I specialize in pilfering pharmaceuticals ”, he replied, “Wrapping and pill aging takes up most of my time.”
-----------------------------
The Groan Ranger and his faithful Indian companion, Mahatma stood back to back fighting the fearsome Blumix of the Dgmd cluster in the Prbwz galaxy.
All was going well until the Ranger’s negligent back stroke resulted in Mahatma receiving a noxious nasty non-nugatory nick in the nape of his neck.
-------------------------
William the Kookier flew to Crete on wings of wax and feathers.
Unrolling a ball of string for a guide back outside he entered the maze.
“What are you seeking?”, whispered the Minotaur.
“The golden fleece on the altar therein.” Willie replied.
“On that table? That’s just my bull shirt.
-----------------------------
Two rocket Bob struck a pose, flag in hand.
“I claim this land in the name of…”
Bolts, his faithful robot sidekick interrupted, “Is sand land?”
“Of course, same as dirt is earth.”
“I’ll rephrase that,” Bolts rattled, “Is an interstellar cloud of sand with no place to stand land?”
---------------------------
The ten thousand mile long banner was readable from the edge of the solar system: “Welcome to Honest Hank’s affordable used satellite and space habitat Emporium. Honest Hank’s money back guarantee behind every sale! Time tested reinvested and refurbished. They may wiggle, they may wobble, but they won’t fall down!”
-----------------
Jore wasn't unhappy as first assistant to the obscenely fat and flabby head of Galactic Recoveries, Inc.
The position paid well and the perks, company space ship, etc., were excellent.
However he was somewhat disturbed that all the other employees referred to him as the chief crook and waddle washer.
-----------------
Over 6,500 light years from earth, having hyperjumped toward the constellation Taurus.
“Nova,” he asked, “why are you so crabby?”
She adjusted the astronomical projector on the bridge to present a ‘You Are Here’ holographic display.
She sighed, pointed, “Of course I’m crappy, you do know which nebula we’re in!”
--------------
Meanwhile, in the city of Liverpool, on the planet New new New England:
“ ‘ere ‘e is!”, shouted Flash’s bat boy, Herbert.
I don’t see him, his chameleon like camouflage is excellent! Are you sure, is he still there?” Flash queried.
“No Gov, ‘e‘s h’over there now.”. Herbert replied.
-----------------------
Elbaniatbo, the rather slow but lovable dyslexic faithful robotic sidekick of the famed throughout the universe Rone Granger, when seeking to disguise himself to infiltrate the nasty notorious nuts and bolts unruly ruffian gang carefully wrote and hung a large but tasteful sign on his chest saying, I’m Not Obtainable.
----------------------------
They stood behind the barricade, a lull in the hours long bombardments.
“Yesterdays, tomorrows, infinitely long”, said the sarge to the young troopers.
“You want to make the universe a better place?”, he queried?
“You’ve only a very narrow window in which to do so,” he went on, “called now.”
---------------------
The cherry tree, once blossoming and beautiful, lie wilted and broken upon the ground.
The dojo master, who had cared for and nurtured the tree from seedling to maturity demanded an explanation!
Young George relied; “I can not tell a lie Sensei I did it with my own little elbow.”
---------------
Dyslexic John and bass ackwards Al, finished building their rocket ship.
They climbed in at the launch site, and went through their countdown; 1, 2, 3, 4….
“We have ignition!” shouted Al as the rocket tunneled 30 feet in to the ground.
“Hey it looked good on repap.” John replied.
---------------
And on that dark and stormy night Sir Persevere said to his Page Pascal:
“Beware the worm wearing worn out warmers”
Pascal replied: “Willingly you words I wrote, spear in hand, sword in fist, pen in other hand and ax in the another, because forewarned is to be four armed.
------------------
Lars Solar drew his ray gun and shot Phil.
Stella asked Lars; “Why did you kill him, we just met him?”
Lars replied: “As you well know Stella, on this police state planet, spies and informers are everywhere, you can be sure to find one whenever more than two gather.”
------------------
Meanwhile in the drinking establishment next to the OK graveyard,
The Lone Zombie Ranger fell, struck by the silver bullet.
The body began to putrefy, the smell of rot filling the bar.
Taunter, his Faithful Native American Companion said: “I tried to tell you, some things are better left undead.”
----------------
They’d been friends for years, in spite of their different personalities, much to the surprise of all who knew them.
Louise Literal asked Danny Dyslexic; “Danny my friend, tell me, when are you going to finish building your house, you keep saying it’s almost done?”
Danny replied: “When figs ply.”
------------------------------
“On the Planet Nor, I had the pleasure of discovering and naming an interesting predatory plant,” said the extraterrestrial botanist, “that attracts it’s prey by voicing meaningless sounds.”
How interesting, what is it called?” queried the wide eyed young thing.
The Botanist replied; “Why the Flower of Babble, of course.”
------------------
“I never met your friend Maryann,” he said, “but from what you told me about her, of course I will be glad to put her in a song.”
He started, “One eye on the pot, the other up the chimney…”
“No!” she shouted, “I said wide eyed, not wall eyed!”
------------------------------
“Normally I try to write a cutey, perhaps a bit witty vignette that runs exactly, not one word more, not one word less, than fifty, and that includes, or at least alludes, to the provided prompt word.” he said.
“However, today, considering the state of the world, the lack of liquor in my cabinet and the price of tea in China, I doubt if I could bring my thoughts together even in I wrote 78 words.” he sniffed.
-----------------------------------
On a cold, calm and starbright night, pondering existence, I was sitting on a fence twix earth and sky. I asked; “What is the purpose of it all?”
The cat said; “Me”, so I cuffed him in the head, “ow!”
He should have realized it was a rhetorical question .
------------------------------------------------------------
On another bright and starlit night the Lone Space Ranger and his trusty sidekick Tom Cat, were surrounded. Star Lions to the left and right, Crater cheetahs before and behind.
Well old friend” said the Ranger, “It looks like we’re done for.”
Tom Cat replied, “What’s you mean, we, human?”
----------------------
Meanwhile back at the ranch, as was often his custom, on a dark and stormy night, Hank was quite busy building his combination table, stove, chair, ladder, liquor cabinet.
The adorable Jane asked him: “Hey, Hank, what are you gonna call it?
Hank replied: “Isn’t it obvious? It’s an AdapTable!"
----------------
One pill makes you larger? Who wants to be larger? Size matters and big might have advantages…
Another makes you small. Hum, could be OK I guess but…
The one’s your mother gave you, don’t do anything at all.
Stay like I am? Be me? That’s kind of slick, Grace.
--------------------------------
2021:
The four horsemen, War, Famine, Beasts, and Plague,
rode over the lower forty eight.
“I feel sorry for you of course, I’m saddened by your plight .” Said JiminAlaska.
“I’d like to help you but there’s really nothing I can do.” He said, sitting on top of the world!”
-----------------------------------------------------
“Stop the presses!” , he shouted in the middle of the Zoom conference.
None the less, the group proceeded as if he hadn’t uttered a word.
“Stop the presses!” , he yelled again, even louder, but again he was ignored.
“Silly me”, he chuckled, having accidentally hit the mute button.
----------------------
There is money in horror. It’s been her staple,
It’s worked for years.
She survived divorce and raised three children with it.
However her latest vampire vs werewolf story just wasn’t working.
Maybe, the opening line, “They fought tooth and nail”, just does not leave room for future story development.
--------------------------
Understand that the multi-ton Zszlems of Planet Vronoux are almost a mile tall. They have eyes on the bottoms of their feet (a necessity when that big, to know where they’re putting them).
Alas, sad to say ,when the first spaceship from earth landed, it was crush at first sight.
--------------------------
Entering the door, taking a breath and looking around,
Frank, the first customer of the day,
Found
It
Cool and extremely comfortable
Along the well lit
Corridor
In
Our small and snug but most
Unusual
Store.
He said. “Most efficacious”, as the first letter of each line came to mind.
-----------------------
Her eyes rolled as she read the title page of the galley proofs, shouting curses for all the cats and family to hear; “That (expletives deleted to protect the tender ears) dyslectic editor is at it again, just look at this, just look at this!”
“Sam Spayed, the Defective Dog”
-------------------------
The score was 6 to 5 at the bottom of the ninth.
“ Strike three, you’re out!”, the umpire shouted.
“Whatdaya mean, the catcher hadta jump 3 feet to catch that!” the batter rumbled.
“High pitch? High pitch? No way Goliath the ball was still a foot below your shoulders!”
------------------
The artist slowly and carefully shaped mounds on the beach. A large winged insect shaped and large, standing, rather striking, numeral one.
Many of the beach goers stopped to admire his work
“That’s beautiful, what do you call it?”. A passerby asked.
“Sand Up And Bee Counted.” The artist answered.
-----------------------------------
Ah yes, that reminded me of my dog, Pal, a red walker fox hound I had when growing up in south Florida. As most folks know dogs tend to get a lot of ticks in them down in that area.
On a dark and stormy night, far away and long ago, while forces good fought most valiantly upon the rocky the dusty, wind swept plain, against the evil hustlers, meanwhile back at the ranch, the hungry magician spelled the gold and cash to cake and candy and a fortune ate.
-------------
Encyclopedia Galacticta, Ancient Earth;
Among the many unsolved mysteries, Stonehedge and the electric automobile orbiting Terra. Why did those primitive ancients move 50 tonne rocks hundreds of miles and drive an electric car into space? Scientist attribute both to sun worship but so far a connection has not been found.
--------------------
Cadet Yankovich asked, “Ya’ll yelling at the yellow yumkin yonder?”
Captain Yuseabelly replied, “Yep youngster, yumkin’s in the yard yanking yottabytes.”
Cadet Yankovich, “Yonder?”
Captain Yueabelly, “Yep.”
Cadet Yankovich said , “Well shuck darn mon, why don’t ya tell the yellow yumkin to get off your lawn!” with a yawn.
-------------------
William the Conjurer, scourge of the spaceways subdued the Gordians. Asked how he passed the densely tangled Gordian planetary defense web he answered; “No problem, I had Big Alex check it out. He found it was old, dilapidated, worn and that it’s exceedingly easy to cut through a frayed knot.”
---------------------------
Blood Bart, the notorious space scourge, to escape the interstellar police and the galactic authorities, exited through a small crack in the wormhole to 2022 America.
He fully expected to receive a warm welcome in the Washington D.C. of that era.
After all, he was a thief in good standing.
---------------------------
Men of Andromeda, masters of their galaxy, though long lived were a dying race. Origins lost in a distant forgotten past and lifespans stretching eons, none the less their numbers slowly decreased. Dying until a team of their best scientists developed a replicator to create babies.
They named it woman.
-----------------------------
“Does reiving leave you grieving or does swash buckling find you chuckling?”, Princess Lea, of the galactic empire, asked Blackbeard the pilot pirate.
“Why neither or nor I’d have to say, as I specialize in pilfering pharmaceuticals ”, he replied, “Wrapping and pill aging takes up most of my time.”
-----------------------------
The Groan Ranger and his faithful Indian companion, Mahatma stood back to back fighting the fearsome Blumix of the Dgmd cluster in the Prbwz galaxy.
All was going well until the Ranger’s negligent back stroke resulted in Mahatma receiving a noxious nasty non-nugatory nick in the nape of his neck.
-------------------------
William the Kookier flew to Crete on wings of wax and feathers.
Unrolling a ball of string for a guide back outside he entered the maze.
“What are you seeking?”, whispered the Minotaur.
“The golden fleece on the altar therein.” Willie replied.
“On that table? That’s just my bull shirt.
-----------------------------
Two rocket Bob struck a pose, flag in hand.
“I claim this land in the name of…”
Bolts, his faithful robot sidekick interrupted, “Is sand land?”
“Of course, same as dirt is earth.”
“I’ll rephrase that,” Bolts rattled, “Is an interstellar cloud of sand with no place to stand land?”
---------------------------
The ten thousand mile long banner was readable from the edge of the solar system: “Welcome to Honest Hank’s affordable used satellite and space habitat Emporium. Honest Hank’s money back guarantee behind every sale! Time tested reinvested and refurbished. They may wiggle, they may wobble, but they won’t fall down!”
-----------------
Jore wasn't unhappy as first assistant to the obscenely fat and flabby head of Galactic Recoveries, Inc.
The position paid well and the perks, company space ship, etc., were excellent.
However he was somewhat disturbed that all the other employees referred to him as the chief crook and waddle washer.
-----------------
Over 6,500 light years from earth, having hyperjumped toward the constellation Taurus.
“Nova,” he asked, “why are you so crabby?”
She adjusted the astronomical projector on the bridge to present a ‘You Are Here’ holographic display.
She sighed, pointed, “Of course I’m crappy, you do know which nebula we’re in!”
--------------
Meanwhile, in the city of Liverpool, on the planet New new New England:
“ ‘ere ‘e is!”, shouted Flash’s bat boy, Herbert.
I don’t see him, his chameleon like camouflage is excellent! Are you sure, is he still there?” Flash queried.
“No Gov, ‘e‘s h’over there now.”. Herbert replied.
-----------------------
Elbaniatbo, the rather slow but lovable dyslexic faithful robotic sidekick of the famed throughout the universe Rone Granger, when seeking to disguise himself to infiltrate the nasty notorious nuts and bolts unruly ruffian gang carefully wrote and hung a large but tasteful sign on his chest saying, I’m Not Obtainable.
----------------------------
They stood behind the barricade, a lull in the hours long bombardments.
“Yesterdays, tomorrows, infinitely long”, said the sarge to the young troopers.
“You want to make the universe a better place?”, he queried?
“You’ve only a very narrow window in which to do so,” he went on, “called now.”
---------------------
The cherry tree, once blossoming and beautiful, lie wilted and broken upon the ground.
The dojo master, who had cared for and nurtured the tree from seedling to maturity demanded an explanation!
Young George relied; “I can not tell a lie Sensei I did it with my own little elbow.”
---------------
Dyslexic John and bass ackwards Al, finished building their rocket ship.
They climbed in at the launch site, and went through their countdown; 1, 2, 3, 4….
“We have ignition!” shouted Al as the rocket tunneled 30 feet in to the ground.
“Hey it looked good on repap.” John replied.
---------------
And on that dark and stormy night Sir Persevere said to his Page Pascal:
“Beware the worm wearing worn out warmers”
Pascal replied: “Willingly you words I wrote, spear in hand, sword in fist, pen in other hand and ax in the another, because forewarned is to be four armed.
------------------
Lars Solar drew his ray gun and shot Phil.
Stella asked Lars; “Why did you kill him, we just met him?”
Lars replied: “As you well know Stella, on this police state planet, spies and informers are everywhere, you can be sure to find one whenever more than two gather.”
------------------
Meanwhile in the drinking establishment next to the OK graveyard,
The Lone Zombie Ranger fell, struck by the silver bullet.
The body began to putrefy, the smell of rot filling the bar.
Taunter, his Faithful Native American Companion said: “I tried to tell you, some things are better left undead.”
----------------
They’d been friends for years, in spite of their different personalities, much to the surprise of all who knew them.
Louise Literal asked Danny Dyslexic; “Danny my friend, tell me, when are you going to finish building your house, you keep saying it’s almost done?”
Danny replied: “When figs ply.”
------------------------------
“On the Planet Nor, I had the pleasure of discovering and naming an interesting predatory plant,” said the extraterrestrial botanist, “that attracts it’s prey by voicing meaningless sounds.”
How interesting, what is it called?” queried the wide eyed young thing.
The Botanist replied; “Why the Flower of Babble, of course.”
------------------
“I never met your friend Maryann,” he said, “but from what you told me about her, of course I will be glad to put her in a song.”
He started, “One eye on the pot, the other up the chimney…”
“No!” she shouted, “I said wide eyed, not wall eyed!”
------------------------------
“Normally I try to write a cutey, perhaps a bit witty vignette that runs exactly, not one word more, not one word less, than fifty, and that includes, or at least alludes, to the provided prompt word.” he said.
“However, today, considering the state of the world, the lack of liquor in my cabinet and the price of tea in China, I doubt if I could bring my thoughts together even in I wrote 78 words.” he sniffed.
-----------------------------------
On a cold, calm and starbright night, pondering existence, I was sitting on a fence twix earth and sky. I asked; “What is the purpose of it all?”
The cat said; “Me”, so I cuffed him in the head, “ow!”
He should have realized it was a rhetorical question .
------------------------------------------------------------
On another bright and starlit night the Lone Space Ranger and his trusty sidekick Tom Cat, were surrounded. Star Lions to the left and right, Crater cheetahs before and behind.
Well old friend” said the Ranger, “It looks like we’re done for.”
Tom Cat replied, “What’s you mean, we, human?”
----------------------
Meanwhile back at the ranch, as was often his custom, on a dark and stormy night, Hank was quite busy building his combination table, stove, chair, ladder, liquor cabinet.
The adorable Jane asked him: “Hey, Hank, what are you gonna call it?
Hank replied: “Isn’t it obvious? It’s an AdapTable!"
----------------
One pill makes you larger? Who wants to be larger? Size matters and big might have advantages…
Another makes you small. Hum, could be OK I guess but…
The one’s your mother gave you, don’t do anything at all.
Stay like I am? Be me? That’s kind of slick, Grace.
--------------------------------
2021:
The four horsemen, War, Famine, Beasts, and Plague,
rode over the lower forty eight.
“I feel sorry for you of course, I’m saddened by your plight .” Said JiminAlaska.
“I’d like to help you but there’s really nothing I can do.” He said, sitting on top of the world!”
-----------------------------------------------------
“Stop the presses!” , he shouted in the middle of the Zoom conference.
None the less, the group proceeded as if he hadn’t uttered a word.
“Stop the presses!” , he yelled again, even louder, but again he was ignored.
“Silly me”, he chuckled, having accidentally hit the mute button.
----------------------
There is money in horror. It’s been her staple,
It’s worked for years.
She survived divorce and raised three children with it.
However her latest vampire vs werewolf story just wasn’t working.
Maybe, the opening line, “They fought tooth and nail”, just does not leave room for future story development.
--------------------------
Understand that the multi-ton Zszlems of Planet Vronoux are almost a mile tall. They have eyes on the bottoms of their feet (a necessity when that big, to know where they’re putting them).
Alas, sad to say ,when the first spaceship from earth landed, it was crush at first sight.
--------------------------
Entering the door, taking a breath and looking around,
Frank, the first customer of the day,
Found
It
Cool and extremely comfortable
Along the well lit
Corridor
In
Our small and snug but most
Unusual
Store.
He said. “Most efficacious”, as the first letter of each line came to mind.
-----------------------
Her eyes rolled as she read the title page of the galley proofs, shouting curses for all the cats and family to hear; “That (expletives deleted to protect the tender ears) dyslectic editor is at it again, just look at this, just look at this!”
“Sam Spayed, the Defective Dog”
-------------------------
The score was 6 to 5 at the bottom of the ninth.
“ Strike three, you’re out!”, the umpire shouted.
“Whatdaya mean, the catcher hadta jump 3 feet to catch that!” the batter rumbled.
“High pitch? High pitch? No way Goliath the ball was still a foot below your shoulders!”
------------------
The artist slowly and carefully shaped mounds on the beach. A large winged insect shaped and large, standing, rather striking, numeral one.
Many of the beach goers stopped to admire his work
“That’s beautiful, what do you call it?”. A passerby asked.
“Sand Up And Bee Counted.” The artist answered.
-----------------------------------
Ah yes, that reminded me of my dog, Pal, a red walker fox hound I had when growing up in south Florida. As most folks know dogs tend to get a lot of ticks in them down in that area.
Well, one day when I was pullin' ticks off of Pal, my Uncle Norman said to me; "Shucky darn boy just put a little gasoline on them buggers and they pop right out."
Well I went and siphoned a half pint of gas out of the old Chevy, and poured it on Pal's ticks.
He gave a howl and took off running about a mile and a half down the road, turned around smartly, came running back full speed and then some and fell over right there at my feet.
Well, over the years, telling this story with 5 or 6 folks listening, I pause right there and in just a few seconds someone was sure to say; "OMG, that's just terrible, was the poor dog dead?"
I'd answer; "Nope. Just ran out of gas."
____________
Her large living room was sparkling, operating room clean, as were the book cases along all four walls.
However the shelves were filled, overflowing, with stacked, loose, pages torn from the backs of novels.
Not unexpected, not surprising, quite understandable, once you realize that she is a book ends collector.
--------------------------
Sarah suddenly rose from her computer left her writing lair, ran in to the kitchen and grasping a small jar off the shelf she held it tightly to her heaving bosom.
When asked why all the excitement confusion and commotion she quietly replied; I just realized, my thyme is valuable.”
-------------------------
The twins are older now, I think while looking at the picture of Dory and Gray.
--------------------------------
A perfect pair, he, the will and the power and she, his compass.
The horror infected millions.
Ruth , before she succumbed: “Reduce the infection , save 10%. or destroy the virus and them.
Now, for him, a simple choice, he destroyed the virus because without her
he was ruthless.
-------------------------
A Cautionary Tale:
The last woman on earth sat alone in a room.
“The universe is not capricious” She said.
“Pedesis or Brownian motion” she said.
“Billions to one chance all the oxygen molecules will move to one corner of the room.”
She said as she gasped her last breath.
--------------------------
STICK
Sometimes we look too deep and
Too hard, digging far deeper than necessary.
It’s true and we all know this, though it is
Certainly most often misunderstood but
Knowing is often just enough.
----------------------------
“Excuse me sir, I can’t find anything in these large warehouse stores, where is garden fertilizer sold?”
:OK, just go down this lane to aisle 27, past the produce section, take a left, go 37 more aisles, a quick right and there you will find it, in the reproduce section!”
-------------------------------------------------
Sore where I didn’t know I had places.
The snow this winter; wet, heavy, bending, breaking trees across roads, trails. Love my isolation, nearest neighbor isn’t really near.
Cutting tree after tree to get the jeep to the road, I must be stupid, I know I’m sore, but I’m satisfied.
--------------------------------
There are a number of the shortest short stories ever around. Among them, “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” attributed to Hemingway. Fred Brown’s, ” The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door…”
Mine is, Oh, look, I think that’s a….
---------------------
Angelia was crocheting mats for her guests to place under their drinks at the card table. As she was working, her friend Judy stopped by to chat.
Judy asked her: “What’s that one you’re working on now”
Angelia replied: “Lace of Spades.”
Judy groaned and hit her with a club.
---------------------------------
“In spite of everything, when the world collapsed in 2020 we saved the best of of civilization in this data cube!”
“That’s rather questionable” , she replied, watching the cube project a massive holograph of Fat Thor, wearing a lounge suit, singing ‘Hurt’.
She sighed and repeated: “That’s rather questionable”
--------------------------------------
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, on a dark and stormy night, deep within the Oort Cloud, the epidemiologist arrived by space scooter shouting “Fear not, I have the serum and I’m here!”
The rancher replied: “Dang Bro we called for a gynecologist, we’re having a lot of babies, not rabies!”
-------------------------------------
The old Alaskan saw as to what it took to made a cheechako (newcomer, tenderfoot) a sourdough.
Basically the requirements were; one had to urinate in the Yukon River, Wrestle an Ursus arctos horribilis and have sexual congress with a far north aboriginal lady.
So! Cheechako Skagway Sam, a cousin of Paul Bunyan, I suspect, traveled north, relieved himself in the Yukon hence raising the water level enough to free a sternwheeler stuck on a gravel bar ten miles downstream.
He proceeded up the bank toward Eagle, found a seven foot tall at the shoulder grisly bear and chased her into a box canyon. After much screaming, wailing, thumping, bumping, fur and torn clothing soaring high above the rim of the canyon he came back out and said; “OK gents, where’s that Eskimo lady you want me to wrestle?”
Yep, yep, yep, in this woke age, terribly inappropriate. Ok well....
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
For their science project, Johnny and Sally developed a peer to peer network, a mesh network, built using only organic links to replace the heavily compromised, very insecure internet. The judges did not award them first prize but they did admit, it took a lot of nerve to do that.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The crowd laughed when he picked up his bow and said; “Now I will play the violent.”
Some one in the audience shouted; “Silly fool, you mean the violin!”
He said, with a chuckle and a cruel smile, “No I don’t.”, as he reached down and picked up an arrow.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Last night I dropped a friend off at the airport in Fairbanks, she’s returning to Japan. Driving back home during the first hour of the first day of October I noticed the aurora dancing overhead and my Jeep’s thermometer moving 2 or 3 degrees above or below freezing as the road’s elevation changed with the terrain.
Back home I increased the draft on my banked wood fire in the stove upstairs, went out and snapped a few shots of the Northern Lights dancing overhead, came back in, opened the doors on my Vermont Casting’s Defiant stove, and poured myself a shot of Jameson’s as a nightcap, sat in the dark watching the flames dance.
One October’s my birthday and I tipped my glass to the four score years behind me, life’s been good and Octobers are grand up here on top of the world.
----------------------------------------------------
Evening at the Door
(w/o apologies to T. S. Eliot nor his Morning at the Window)
All is quiet below the stairs
As the hall light shines upon the stoop,
We don our coats and leave our cares
Tabled, beside the curdled soup.
A breath of air cleanses soiled conversation
Tainted talk around a weary roast
Relieved by pleasant observation
Joy and life savored by the host,
Of those beyond the gate, outside the post.
------------------------------------------------
The Advocate finished dining with a brandy and dessert while reviewing the applicable laws and rulings on the holoscreen above the table.
He turned, remarking to his client: “This is truly a wonderful century to be a lawyer as, in today’s world one can have their cake and edict too."
-----------------------------------------------
dear editor
i won’t have any problem meeting the deadline,with this computer keyboard, hopping from key to key is much easier than when I started writing on a manual typewriter.
my only concern is that now too many other cockroaches will take up the craft and flood the market
archie
-----------------------------------------
It was a dark and story night, but that bears no relevance to the tale ,simply fills it to fifty words.
“Hey Mario, have another slice of da pizza” he said.
I shook my head.
“Come on pizon, have another”
I shook my head again
“What’s da matter, youse full?”
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The fiesty young star troopers bellied up to bar in the Dank Dirty Dive at the edge of the universe.
Sargent Spook raising his glass toasted; “Live long and frost her.”
Hence Lieutenant Kirk, downing his drink, casually turned, shooting Martha The Mad Martian Mollusk with his trusty ice blaster.
_______________________
A perfect pair, he, the will and the power and she, his compass. The horror infected millions.
Ruth , before she succumbed: "Reduce the infection , save 10%. or destroy the virus and them."
Now, for him, a simple choice, he destroyed the virus because without her
he was ruthless.
___________________________
Sore where I didn’t know I had places.
The snow this winter; wet, heavy, bending, breaking trees across roads, trails. Love my isolation, nearest neighbor isn’t really near.
Cutting tree after tree to get the jeep to the road, I must be stupid, I know I’m sore, but I’m satisfied.
______________________________
A Cautionary Tale:
The last woman on earth sat alone in a room.
“The universe is not capricious” She said.
“Pedesis or Brownian motion” she said.
“Billions to one chance all the oxygen molecules will move to one corner of the room.”
She said as she gasped her last breath.
____________________________
STICK
Sometimes we look too deep and
Too hard, digging far deeper than necessary.
It’s true and we all know this, though it is
Certainly most often misunderstood but
Knowing is often just enough.
_____________________________
“Excuse me sir, I can’t find anything in these large warehouse stores, where is garden fertilizer sold?”
:OK, just go down this lane to aisle 27, past the produce section, take a left, go 37 more aisles, a quick right and there you will find it, in the reproduce section!”
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