As it says on the tin. You take your conjectural beef to xem, xe will work xir jiggery-pokery and, Bingo!, off you’ll go with your brand-new, fully-fledged Victim Status, neatly packaged and mantled in stacks of Manifest Virtue and Organism-Specific Sorrow. Just add opaque water and Bob’s your auncle! Ze also runs personal one-to-one courses on how to take offence using a technique formulated by zirself. Follow zir wizard instructions and you will be capable of finding malfeasance in the very periodic table!
PS 1. Xe is MoF.DoID* Certified. *(Ministry of Fear, Department of Intersectional Societal Disintegration.)
PS 2. Grants for impoverished plaintiffs procurable from the Open Society Foundations, the WHO and the Bill Und Melinda Gates Syndicate.
PS 3. The Shoggies, the Tadpoles and yours truly kindly offer free detox, deprogramming, rehabilitation and convalescence programs for those hapless peasants who fell for any or all of the above piffle and are now urgently trying to retrieve their misplaced brains. Home calls or free fortnight in the many corking spas in the beautiful Plateau of Leng. The programme includes an optional crash-course in abuse, vituperation and vitriol run by the Repulsive Moon Beasts of the aforementioned bonny uplands.