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Modern Proverbs


a.. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.


b.. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going
to a garage makes you a mechanic.


c.. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.


d.. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.


e.. A closed mouth gathers no feet.


f.. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never
tried before.


g.. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.


h.. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is
serious


i.. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.


j.. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government
program.


k.. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the
trip.


l.. Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way
again.


m.. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.


n.. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so
good.


o.. Eat well, stay fit--die anyway.


p.. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.


q.. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.


r.. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the
waist change places.


s.. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.


t.. Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.


u.. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.


v.. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a
mistake when you make it again.


w.. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.


x.. Thou shalt not weigh more than the refrigerator.


y.. I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when
I'm in the bathroom.


z.. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never
cease to be amused.




















4 comments

Stormlizard said:

A very nice collection.

One from Confucious.

Rape is impossible, a girl with skirt up can outrun a man with trousers down.
5 years ago

Kathleen Thorpe said:

June, I don't know where you find these postings you share with us, but I hope they never run out!! Great way to make us smile!!
5 years ago

J. Gafarot said:

The husband not yet shot is the proof that at the very end . . . women still have a bit of common sense.
Wish you a very happy weekend, dear June.
5 years ago

dolores666 said:

A fab string of pearls of wisdom. I totally agree with a and c, especially. But they're all excellent. Bless your silly socks, missus. :-)
5 years ago